Month: September 2018

peer review comment

  1. First off I would like to say that this was an essay that truly had me hooked, it left me wanting to know more and questioning to myself, what’s going to happen now? In the second paragraph when you say ” with my eyes reverted to the ground I say it was me” and then the next line you talk about some background on your vice principal. maybe instead of jumping into the background of the vice principal talk more about what happened after you said it was you. It also was a powerful sentence, one that had me saying woah. I also really like how personal and detailed your essay is, it makes it feel as if you were there watching this all happen in front of you while reading I could picture it in my head like a movie. also in the fourth paragraph after the decision between you and the principle when you say ” in my mind the entire conversation was pointless” maybe start that as a new paragraph. also the first paragraph i thought of maybe cutting it in half and making it two but I didn’t see I good spot to do that without interrupting the dialogue. So would just leave it maybe put some indents in some places but even if not it still flows well the way it is. I also think your conclusion is powerful and a good way to end the essay, especially the last sentence.

Reading Journal #1

In “ Does teaching diversity matter in student learning?” By Claire Cain Miller.  She discusses how students tend to benefit from having teachers who look like them. Studies show that gender and race gaps have a significant impact on the student’s performance.  About 77% of teachers both in private and public schools are female. This has an impact on the female students as it can help them but not when it comes to the male students. Especially when it comes to African American boys.  when they had a black teacher between the third and fifth grade they are less likely to drop out. And both girls and boys are most likely to attend college.

To me, it’s not surprising that this is happening. Racial issues are still issues in the United States. And affecting children at a young age. There are not enough African America or male teachers, Hopefully, this can change over the course of the next couple of years. Something i would change in the article shows ways to improve the issue instead of just stating the issue.  A way to help this issue now is to have good teachers,  teachers who are open-minded and helpful. Teachers to go way and beyond for their students and to make everyone feel welcome, for teachers to go the extra mile with helping students if they need it. I think by doing this, it will help and make a difference.

Memoir rough draft

At the age of 13, I was taught the importance of accepting who you are and that its okay to have insecurities.

I was in the seventh grade, I always struggled with school, it never came easy for me. Especially when it came to math. My math teacher Mr. Lawlor would spend countless hours a week helping me understand the subject until I could perfect it. This helped bring up my confidence, especially since I just lost an abundant amount of weight and trying to get over the insecurity of being overweight. But with Mr. Lawlor, taking the extra time to help me understand and help me succeed, that brought my confidence up. The impact he had on me is the reason why I want to become a teacher one day.

When I was in high school I dealt with a lot of drama with girls, this caused me to feel very alone in school. My algebra teacher, Mrs. Monro would talk to me, ask me how my day was. She would even skip out on some lunches to sit with me in her classroom and talk instead of me sitting alone in the cafeteria. She helped me feel comfortable going to school and not feeling timid. She was there when I had no one else in school. She showed nothing but care and compassion and that’s something I’ll never forget.

Their impact on me is what helped me become the person I am today. I always want to help people and make an impact on their lives just like Mrs. Monro and Mr. Lawlor did for me. I want to become a teacher and do exactly what they did for me to others.

I want to make a change, show kids they are far from alone. And they can do anything they want in this world.   If I can make a difference and impact in at least one child’s life I would be happy. Having the opportunity to prevent someone from going through what I went through, with the drama and feeling alone in school, that’s my goal.  To spread kindness and positivity.

 

Sample memoir review

In “Learning how to see“, the writer talks about seeing something new each time we see something familiar and looking beyond the words we hear. How in High School she had to two teachers make her aware of those concepts.  She had a teacher challenge her each day with a composition for homework. Day after day she became frustrated and running out of things to say.  She became inspired by a sonnet she read and her teacher helped her use her creativity and imagination, and this continues to impact her every day.

Out of the different essays I read, I decided this one. I chose this essay because I can relate to it, I had a couple teachers impact me. They changed my outlook on how I view things in this world, they inspired me and motivated me. The impacts they made are the reason I want to become a teacher.  To be able to impact and make a change in another person’s life.

The universal significance of this essay is that how she had teachers impact her and make her look from a different perspective. Ultimately this has made her into the person she is today, and if it wasn’t for those teachers she might be a different person.

Short Scene

It was a warm summer night, the sun was about to set. She was sitting there on the rocks right at the edge of the pond. With a few friends around her, all laughing and sharing stories. But once the sun started to set, everyone went quiet. Staring at the pinks and oranges in the sky, watching the sun finally set. At that moment she felt nothing but happiness, watching the beautiful sunset and being surrounded by love.

“Show don’t tell”

  1. My hometown was a quiet place to grow up, always the same thing happening daily, nothing new coming or going, it was like a ghost town.
  2. Laci had short blonde hair, she would always wear floral tops with bright color pants, and even brighter shoes.
  3. Mrs. Brown, a teacher everyone dreaded to have. She would always have long lectures, assigned an abundant amount of homework each class and frequent pop quizzes, she was the worst.
  4. The room had bright white walls, mostly everything in the room was white, tan, or gold. Everything was organized and clean. You could watch the sunrise or sunset right through the window near the bed.

Who I am as a writer

I never liked writing,  especially throughout middle school and my first two years of high school. But in my junior year of high school that all changed.  I started to become interested in doing research, writing about my feelings, and thoughts on paper. This wasn’t an overnight thing, I didn’t just wake up one day and enjoy it. I had many obstacles and frustration before I was even able to slightly like writing.

In middle school, anything that dealt with me having to write felt dreadful.  It seemed like with anything that I wrote there was something wrong with it.  One of the points made in ”  Ten ways to think about writing” perfectly describes how I felt in middle school. How writing felt like a chore.  My punctuation and grammar always seemed to be off.  It was very frustrating and I would put myself down because of it, questioning ” Am I smart enough ?”  Those thoughts disappeared eventually and my whole perspective on writing changed in Junior year.

It was my 20th-century history class, we had to pick off a list a historical figure to write a research paper about. I pick Robert F Kenedy. This is where everything changed.  I spent countless hours and days researching for this essay. I wanted it to be perfect, I wanted every little detail to be right and exact. Just like in “Ten ways to think about writing.” In chapter 3, how it discusses the little green ball and the details that went into that, is how I wrote that research paper.  I ended up receiving an A on the paper and since then I enjoyed writing.

There’s a difference between writing an essay and exam versus writing in a journal. when writing an essay, you make sure everything has structure, transitions, flows, and makes sense. But when you’re writing in a journal, you’re free to write whatever, no rules, no structure. Just writing your thoughts. Like the article stated how ” Writing just your opinions, theories, and arguments is a lot like serving plain Jello-O: it seems like you’re doing something productive but there’s no substance to it.”  You’re thinking, writing, but it doesn’t need to have the structure and transitions.  And thats the best thing about writing, you’re able to make whatever you want out of it.